Who am I?

The feeling of being infinite is not a common one, its not felt everyday. Yet it is the feeling best felt. It is why we live each day and allow ourselves to feel. This is the feeling I live for. It is ultimately my only real goal. I want to feel free and completely open to the world. To completely surrender everything and just feel the wind against my face. To feel connected to people and have a moment that feels like it could last forever. I live for the moments in life when I swear I could be infinite. 

This half-written book is me. My story. I am the author of my own story. The only piece of me people is the page I am open to. it is the only piece of me readily open to the world. and even though I am the author my past cannot be rewritten. All I can do is read my past and decide how to write my future. Because my future is still not written. I have pages and pages to fill with the story of my life.

I am the kind of person to surround myself with people. Know as many people as I can and call them my friends. But the truth is that in doing this I am very lonely. I am friends with so many people that I don't have time for any of them really, and I don't actually know anyone. Not really. At the stage in life I am in right now, I know everyone, but I don't actually know anyone. This leaves a circle of space I have around me with no one in there, no real friendships. the the pretence of them. So in truth I am lonely, not the kind of lonely of sitting alone in a corner, but the deep painful lonely of pretending not to be.